I am searching for myself..
It is so weird to be at this stage in my life. I am in my 20’s.
I am no longer that same high school girl who was the new girl, little skater chick, whats-his-names-girlfriend, or the girl who doesn't have a group or "label".
She likes art, music and simple beauty. She’s critical, but she’s
growing. She wants the balance between being hard and being soft.
That's how I would describe my high school self, or college self in third person.
Some of it has changed... Not a lot though.
That's how I would describe my high school self, or college self in third person.
Some of it has changed... Not a lot though.
There is a freedom to choose what we want to do in life but there’s
no longer a road map with choices presented to us in the same way it was before.
If you were in middle school, you would go
on to High School. If you’re enrolled in Algebra 1, you take the next class…
Algebra 2, or whatever comes next. You move onto the next thing that is required of you.
Once you move on from high school, it’s your choice.
Go to work OR pick a college and attend
classes again.
Easy enough? ..Right? ugh..
I went to college. I got my degree. Now whaaaat
I went to college. I got my degree. Now whaaaat
What was your
identity then and what is it now?
I realize now more than ever that feeling like you don’t have
a purpose is very hard. I haven’t “selected” my lifelong goal. Should I just make a bucket list? and then earn my money however it comes? Is it more important to DO something in life? or to BE something in life? I still am
researching and going into the “fitting room” with each job/lifestyle and trying it on
for size.
I know I have a reason to be here. But what is my calling? And
how do I go about attaining it? I know in my work I need to help people.
Lately, I’m having an attack of..reality!
I have to read the directions. I have to be more prepared. If
I slack, then I pay for it. All of my mishaps can only be trailed back to me
now.. Because I made a decision.
Whew! Sometimes I forget that we are not in as much control
as we think. Even if you have everything planned out from A to Z. There still
will be some random stuff thrown at you. Shit happens.
Want to know some stupid things that I’ve done recently that
cost me time/money?
HAHA! Never mind I won’t waste your time with that.
I don’t like rules. That’s why I am so bad with them.
REAL TALK
Whatever I do is going to take WORK. I don’t know why this is so
hard for me to accept. Has anyone had struggles with this?
Am I the person I
want to be? Sure, I could work on being more prepared and actually
following more directions. Sometimes inside I want to cry out like a two year old does.
And I do. That's whats embarrassing. Crying is a huge outlet for me when I get frustrated. That is something I’m working on.
What I’ve come to
decide is… The best thing to do is just to go for what makes you happy at
the time. What makes you happy may change. Accept that.
I thought I was happy earning a decent wage, but hating what
my actual tasks were, day in and day out. So now I’m changing it. It’s a journey.
This may sound like an oxymoron but my GOAL is to WORK ON
NOT BEING SO HARD ON MYSELF.
You’re too hard on yourself.
Be light.
Be balanced.
Don’t keep track of your silly mistakes.
Learn from them and
know that you’re doing what you can.
Life is not like the movies. That’s it.
What are you hard on yourself about?
Laziness?
Making mistakes?
Your body?
We all have these things..
-----------------------------
Dear Colorado,
You have been through more than enough this year.
Please have a smooth rest of the year. Please stay strong.
My heart breaks for so many people right now through the tragedy that happened.
I had a hard time sleeping last night because I kept imagining how it must have been for those people. And knowing that he is locked up close to where I live creeps me out a bit. Either way, justice will be served. People have reached out so much and extended their love during this time. Each one of us mourns that this type of thing happens to innocent people. Huge hugs to Colorado. This community cares for each other.
Project: Happy
- Letting go and laughing more
-Self meditation and being mindful of my thoughts
- Being more fluid with my thoughts and energy.
-Knowing that I can battle my anxiety. It doesn't have the power. I do.
- Being more fluid with my thoughts and energy.
-Knowing that I can battle my anxiety. It doesn't have the power. I do.
Please comment below :) It can be from facebook, or even anonymous. No sign in required. Thanks :)
6 comments:
A quote I have hanging in our bathroom where I see it every day is, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Also, recently when I was reading on finding a "balance" between work and life, I found this quote from Donald Trump that hit me:
"If you're interested in 'balancing' work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable."
Just things to think about.
xo
I love your reflections and how deeply you care. I encourage you to love yourself as much as you love others. Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind", "and love your neighbor as yourself." (Luke 10:27) So indirectly speaking, I believe we are to love ourselves as much as all others. You are powerful. XO
This blog really spoke to me. I hope that a lot of people would read it! Can't wait to see you, sweet Cecily!
dang I was excited to read some of the things you have done that cost time and money! haha. Anyway, it is hard to find a balance, and it seems like no one I know has balance in their lives. I am the same way when it comes to what I want costing work. I don't want to work at things sometimes, I just want them to happen. But in order to appreciate things for all they are worth they need to be earned. If you know you need to help people in your work, there are MANY many options open to you. Massage therapy, chiropractor, skin care, nursing, counseling, social worker just to name a few. Do some research and even if it means going back to school for something you like to do, that you think is your calling, it would be worth it to be happy in the end. I know Josh is the type that NEEDS to help people, and he is loving massage therapy/energy work and its ability to heal people mentally and physically. I'm sure he would be willing to talk to you about it if you are interested.
Yay! To all of you that comment, it means a lot to me that you read and want to reflect back to me.
Hey Holly, Oh my gosh! That quote is so very true. Why am I feeling like "I am behind" in life? I am creating still and always growing.
:)You are so smart.. and your recommendations on which books to read are soo appreciated. I absolutely love "The Power of Now" so far!
Mom, Thanks for reminding me to love myself.. I learned from the best. :) I cant wait for our getaway! <3
Jessica, I am glad you came to visit my blog. I feel so supported :) I know you and me both have been through struggles with what to do with our artistic selves!
Anne, lol.. I can definitely blog about my mishaps in the next entry. Its kind of funny to me now actually!! So maybe I can try to learn to laugh at things next time.. (except usually a fine of $75 dollars doesn't make people laugh. Anyhow, I think massage is AWESOME! I'm not very strong so I don't know how well id do at that.. but I'm going to do some career testing and see what it points me at. In the mean time I'm going to try and not be so mean to myself and thinking for some reason that I'm suppose to be "some prestigious savvy business success story" when I'm only 23.
I am literally in the EXACT same position. I have just finished Uni,, the world is supposed to be my oyster... feels like a gone off prawn!
I just wish I knew where I was going to be in ten years time and start making my way there...
http://becksxo.blogspot.com/
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